Captain Uncool: Combining the Powers of Geek, Dork, Nerd...and Heart.

Somewhere right now, a person is in a fierce argument about who the better Captain of the Starship Enterprise was: Kirk or Picard. In some dark basement at this exact moment there is a guy putting together an EXACT model replica of the Death Star, complete with trash compactors on the detention level. Up the street from you, there is a girl who has been playing an online role playing game where she kills woodland creatures while chatting with her "guild mates" for 16 straight hours. Every 10 seconds, someone somewhere is quoting a random line from the movie "The Big Lebowski", whether or not anyone around them has ever seen it. There is something very satisfying about telling someone that they are "Out of their element" if they don't even know who Donny is.

This world is filled with Geeks, Dorks, and Nerds. Once thought to be a secluded and repulsive underbelly of popular society, these outcasts are finally getting the respect they dreamed of since they first went to a theater somewhere in 1984 and saw "Revenge of the Nerds". There are, of course, varying degrees and denominations of these nerdy types. Some are so unhygenic, reclusive and defensive that its impossible to ever engage them on any level other than throwing the occasional paper airplane at the back of their head during Geography class. Others are outgoing and personable, with skeletons in their closet involving love of Anime and Comic Books. Others are multi-quadzillionaires that have more money than the cast of Full House combined.

There are a lot of people that attempt to hide away the inner geek, sequestering it away like a pregnant teen in the 1950's. Personally I have fully embraced the fact that I am an incurable geek. I can quote obscure lines from cartoons that come on after midnight, I can put together a desktop computer from a table full of random parts. There is also the fact that I have logged a total of 183 DAYS of my life into the game "World of Warcraft" on my main character, a total of over 4392 hours smashing keys and muttering obscenities! I brag about killing colored pixels in the game named "Yogg Saron" and gaining achievements like killing 4 dragons at the same time in a room full of lava. I own over 150 DVDs, and have a staggeringly vast knowledge on many movies that I've NEVER EVEN SEEN. I watch hours of television every day, usually without even facing the television. I can tell you the difference between a moonsault and a shooting star press, a Lou Thesz press and a suplex. I can tell you how Ichigo first achieved Bankai and explain what a "Wind Scar" is. I can rant for hours about the injustice of losing amazing television programming like "Sports Night" and "Arrested Development" because people were too stupid to watch them.

When I was a kid, I tried hard to hide my dorkiness. I spent massive amounts of time trying to suppress the urge to yell in someones face when they called Chewbacca an Ewok. I would try to wear the popular clothing, usually failing miserably as it was my Parents who supplied me with my duds. I spent a lot of my life trying to deny my inner dork, and I realize now what a futile exercise that was. There is nothing as fun and as wonderful as just being yourself. If you can say something that you think is funny, and then laugh at your own joke when no one else even chuckles, you are doing a-otay in the world.

So if you are trying hard to hide the fact that you can list the entire cast of Saved by the Bell in alphabetical order, if you are suppressing the intricate understanding of the Matrix Trilogy and try very hard not to argue with people when they say the sequels sucked, if you can name the guy that played Shooter McGavin in "Happy Gilmore" that you have seen in like every other movie you go to...STOP! Just let it out, my friend. We have entered into the age of the nerd, when indulging in chronically uncool activity is perfectly acceptable. If you don't believe me, try walking up to a complete stranger tomorrow and say "Did you know that Yoda's voice is done by the same guy that does Miss Piggy's?" I will give you a dollar if that person runs away screaming.